635 




KEY & COMIC 
DRAMA 




Too Little Vagrants 







THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 



TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS 



OR 



BEWARE OF TRAMPS 



A FARCE IN ONE ACT 



/ 



FRANK DUMONT 

AUTHOR OF "FALSE COLORS," "THE LADY BARBER," "THE 
CAKE WALK," ETC. 




TWO COPTES-RtCEIVED 



CHICAGO 

The dramatic publishing company 



As performed by Dumont's minstrels. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Farmer Wax Harry C. Shunck. 

Lucy Wax, his daughter Merrill Rudolph. 

fc- (The two tramps %&%!»"*■ 

Plays twenty minutes. 



Copyright, 1897, by the Dramatic Publishing Company, Chicago. 

Notice. — The professional acting rights of this play are re- 
served by the publishers from whom written permission must b© 
obtained before performance. All persons giving unauthorized 
productions will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This 
notice does not apply to amateurs, who may perform the play 
without permission. 



PROPERTIES. 

A box for " scare-crow " to stand upon so he will be entirely 
visible over top of fence. A packing case or pig pen. Gun, sure 
fire. Revolver. Long stuffed snake, eight feet in length, with 
snap hook in its mouth. Pail with lumps of bread. Some flour 
in the pig pen. A dummy counterpart of Rags. A funny dummy 
scare-crow held upright by a stick stuck into the box. It has 
straw protruding from legs, arms and mask. A large carving 
knife. A plain upright pump to be solid until carried off by 
Tramp. 




'TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." 



Scene : Farm yard. Landscape. Set House L. 2 E. Fence 
across stage at back with a scarecrow center seen above the 
fences. Pigsty e R. 2 E. Dummy behind it to ascend by string 
at cue. Pump c. Enter Farmer Wax with Lucy W&xfrom 
house.] 

Farmer. Don't talk back to me ! You'll marry a farmer and 
no one else. These city chaps are no good and a daughter of 
mine will marry the man I pick out for her. 

Lucy. Haven't I got the privilege of marrying the man I 
love ? 

Farmer. No. I won't have a dude for a son-in-law. What 
good would he be around this farm ? He Couldn't keep the 
tramps away and that is just what I need most. Tramps have 
stolen every chicken I had on the farm. They've stolen the 
horse — the hog — the cow — and even carried off the haystack. 

Lucy. Edgar would protect you from tramps. 

Farmer. Don't talk to me about a bicycle-faced dude like 
him. He'd better keep away from here or I'll put a load of buck- 
shot into him. We have but one pig left on the farm — and I 
don't know how long it will be before tramps come along and 
steal him too. 

Lucy. But Edgar could watch for them, I'm sure. 

Farmer. Stop talking about Edgar — You'll marry a farmer 
or you'll never marry anybody. Go into the house and finish 
your ironing. Go ahead ! Don't talk to me about that chicken- 
breasted dude again. 

Lucy. I'll die an old maid. 

Farmer. I don't care if you die a widow — get in, I say ! 
[They exit into house, Rags enters R. 1 E. and his churn, 
Tatters, follows slowly. They are ragged and footsore 
tramps,] 

5 



"TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." 

Come along— here's a place. I don't hear any dogs 
and fguess we've struck luck. [Tatters goes up stage and 
suddenly sees the scarecrow — utters a yell of fright.} 

Tatters. Oh ! cheese it ! There's the farmer. {Dashes out 
R. i E.J 

Rags. {Calls after him.'] Here ! Come back ! Tatters ! 
Come back — It's only a scarecrow ! [Coaxes Tatters back who 
timidly peers in from r. i e.] 

Tatters. Sure it ain't alive ? 

Rags. Certainly not. Come along. We'll rob the place. 

Tatters. I'll take anything I can get my hands on. Oh ! A 
pump ! I'll swipe that. [Tugs at the pump and lifting it up, 
runs away with it, R. I E. Rags laughs.] 

Rags. Now that he has stolen the pump, he'd ought to steal 
a bar of soap and take a bath. 

Tatters. [Returning R. i E.J Well I've got the pump. 
They can't offer me any water. They've got to give me some 
milk. 

Rags. Come on. We'll rob the house. 

Tatters. Let's rob the kitchen first. I'm so hungry and 
empty that the first mouthful I get, I'll bet I can hear it drop 
down into my shoes. 

Rags. Cheese it. Here comes somebody, hide. 

Tatters. Where ? where ? 

Rags. Take the place of the scarecrow. I'll jump into the 
pigpen. [Jimips into sty. Tatters hurries over fence, re- 
moves scarecrow and stands in its place.] 

Tatters. Lookout! Be a pig ! I'm a scarecrow ! [Enter 
Lucy, crosses with pailfro?n house.] 

Lucy. Father is so afraid of tramps and yet he won't allow 
any one to come here and protect him. 

Tatters. Hey ! Little girl ! [Lucy looks off v..] 

Rags. [From pen.] Hey ! Ah there ! She looks offR.] 

Lucy. I wonder who is calling me ? Perhaps it is Edgar. 
[Tramps call to her again and she comes close to scarecrow 
— gazes at it — Tatters strikes different attitudes when ever 
she looks away from him.] Ugh ! That horrid scarecrow — 
I'm so afraid of it. Oh my ! but it is ugly — and frightful ! We 
have just one pig left. I hope that hasn't been stolen. [Rags 
in pig pen imitates a pig and squeals.] Oh ! It is still there 
and I guess I'll feed it. 

Tatters. Feed the scarecrow first ! [She turns.] 

Lucy. I thought I heard some one say feed the scare crow 
first. [Laughs.] How foolish. Now I'll feed the pig. [She 



"TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." 7 

is standing near scarecrow and Tatters reaches down and 
takes large bits of bread out of her pail and devours it — filling 
his mouth. She goes over to pen and turns. Tatters hides 
bread behi?id him leaving big lump in his mouth.] 

Lucy. What a funny looking scarecrow. But I think the 
pig must be hungry by this time. Is poor piggy hungry ? 
[Rags squeals loudly.'] Yes, it is very hungry. [Tatters imi- 
tates a pig.] 

Tatters. Piggy over here is hungry too ! 

Lucy. [Turns quick.] Oh dear me ! I thought I saw that 
scarecrow move. I thought I saw it winking at me. I'll go in 
and tell father. [Enters house.] 

Rag's. {Peers over pen.] There! You've spoilt everything. 
We've got to get out of this. [ Just as he is climbing out of pen, 
and Tatters is about to descend from his pedestal, as the scare- 
crow, the Farmer is heard speaking and approaching.] 

Parmer. I'll see about this! [Tramps resume their posi- 
tions. Farmer enters from house with a gun. Tramps show 
terror.] 

Tatters. Oh, look at the gun ! Look at the gun ! 

Farmer. That girl's head is completely turned, by that con- 
founded Dude and I believe she's going crazy. [Looks at scare- 
crow. Catching Tatters in an awkward attitude.] By graci- 
ous, that scarecrow is nearly falling over. What a good target 
it would make, for me to practice on. I never thought of it 
before. [Levels gun at it. Tatters trembles.] Incase tramps 
did come around here, I could be a dead shot. I think I could 
put a bullet right into its eye ! 

Tatters. [Groaning.'] Oh ! oh ! He's going to shoot my 
eye out. [Rags is peering over top of pen laughing at Tatters 
and bidding him be quiet.] 

Farmer. Now there's a knot-hole in that pig-stye. [Turns, 
andJl&gs dodges down.] I'll just aim at that ! 

Tatters. [Delighted.] That's right — shoot the pig ! 

Farmer. That's a good shot if I make it — the knot hole. 
[Aims gun, Rags squeals and makes noise in the pig-pen and 
exclaims " don't kill piggie," at intervals.] One would almost 
imagine that the pig can talk. Well, I won't shoot at that knot- 
hole. That scarecrow. [Turns gun towards it, and Tatters 
almost drops from terror.] Nobody would miss it. I'll blow 
the top of it's head off ! 

Tatters. Oh ! dear ! oh dear ! I'm a gone tramp ! 

Farmer. I know what I'll do. I'll shoot a clay pipe from it's 
mouth. [Goes up and puts pipe in Tatter's mouth who grinu 



S "TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." 

*ct$. and holds it. He is afraid to drop it, as Farmer backs 
away keeping his eyes upon him.] That's a bully shot. If I 
I don't hit that pipe, I'll plug the scarecrow, so what difference 
dx>es it make. [Aims, and is about to fire, when he lowers the 
gun.] Oh ! I forgot something. I started out here to fool 
tramps ! [Produces a large carving knife.] They won't steal 
any more live stock from me. I'm going to kill the pig! [Rags 
dodges down squeals ad lib. Tatters laughs at his predic- 
ament, and Farmer sharpens knife on his shoe.] 

Tatters. Oh ! he's going to cut the pig's throat. I'm glad I 
ain't a pig ! [Farmer goes to stye and Rags becomes very 
frightened, and trying to get out unseen by Farmer. Tatters 
laughs at Rags. Suddenly the Farmer turns and almost 
catches Tatters dancing for joy. Tatters has to hold one leg 
up in act of dancing, and stand in awkward attitude, until 
Farmer looks away from him.] 

Tatters. Gosh ! He near had me that time. 

Farmer. Now to kill the pig, and cut him up for smoked 
bacon. 

Ra^S. Here goes to save my bacon ! [As Farmer leans over 
and grabs Rags by the ear, Rags throws flour into Farmer's 
face, Tatters jumps down from his pedestal, and seeks to es- 
cape r. i e. Bumps into Farmer and knocks him down c. 
Tatters escapes R. i E. Farmer produces a revolver and just 
as Rag3 is climbing out of pig-pen he fires at him. "Rags falls 
back into the pig-pen out of sight. Farmer quickly gets his 
gun which he had laid upon the ground C, and fires at the 
pig-pen. A dummy counterpart of Rags is pulled up by wire 
or string out of pig-pen, at same moment Tatters rushes in 
from R. i E. with a big snake {dummy) about eight feet long 
hitched by snap-hook to ring sewed to seat of Tatter's pants. 
Lucy has entered from house and stands before door-way 
screaming for " help " etc. Have action of climax work rapidly 
soon as gun is fired, the dummy is pulled up out of pen, and 
Tatters rushes in with snake attached to him— Yelling " Take 
it off, Take it off. Snakes ! Snakes ! " Farmer trying to get 
a shot at him. 

CURTAIN. 



the pbamatio publishing compahk'8 catalogue 

i897==i8o8. 

New Ethiopian Dramas. 

Price, 15 cents each. 

The following plays are all by the well known minstrel man Frank Dnmont. 
Each one has been successful on the professional stage bat now for the first 
time is presented in printed form. Fall and minute stage directions accom- 
pany each book of the play, and Mr. Dumont has made them very complete in 
every respect. Several of these plays may be played white face. 

Cake Walk. Farce in one scene by Frank Dumont. 
Fourteen characters, half of them in female dress. Plays 
fifteen minutes. The Cake Walk is one of the most character- 
istic darkey entertainments and this farce presents all of its 
ludicrous situations. The plain interior scene can be easily 
arranged and the properties are as simple. The "cake," "the 
bad coon," and the fat wench's antics are all side splittingly 
funny. 

False Colors. A black sketch in two scenes by Frank 
Dumont. Three male characters. Plays twenty minutes. A 
street and an interior scenes. One character appears in mili- 
tary dress with pistols and sword in belt, the remaining two 
characters are typical tramps at first and then disguise them- 
selves in outlandish military uniforms. The fun is slow and 
dry but bursts into uproarious burlesque at the end. 

HOW to Get a Divorce. Farce in one act by Frank 
Dumont. Eight male, three female characters, beside " a jury 
and other bits of judicial brie a brae." Plays fifteen minutes. 
This is a farce which is very funny played with white faces 
although originally written for minstrels. The scene is a 
court room and Judge Alimony separates three happy couples, 
before Mrs. Alimony breaks up the court proceedings. 

Jack Sheppard and Joe Blueskin, or Amateur 
Road Agents. Melodramatic burlesque in on« act, by 
Frank Dumont. Six characters. Plays twenty minutei. 
landscape scene. This is done for minstrels. The two des- 
peradoes, Jack and Joe are very funny and the piece acted 
with spirit is a sure hit. The dialogue gives opportunity for 
any amount of business and is full of genuine darkey humor. 



THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY'S CATALOGUE 
NEW ETHIOPIAN DRAMAS.—Continued. 



The Lady Barber. Sketch in one scene by Frank Du- 
mont. Four characters, two of them appear in female dress. 
Plays twenty minutes. Scene — a, barber shop. This is one of 
Mr. Dumont's strongest plays. The fun begins immediately 
when the proprietor induces the white-wash man to assume 
the dress of a lady and take charge of the customers and in- 
creases until the shop is cleared out in a fast and furiously 
funny manner. 

Other People's Troubles. An eccentricity in one 
scene by Frank Dumont. Three male, two female characters. 
Interior scene. Plays fifteen minutes. This sketch may be 
played white or black face and has been successful on the pro- 
fessional stage, Iyew Dockstader making a fine Zack. The 
play is a * 'screamer," full of smart sayings and funny situa- 
tions. The end is a rattling climax of merriment. 

The Serenade Party; or, The Miser's Troubles. 

A black sketch in one act, by Frank Dumont. Four characters, 
one in female dress. Plays twenty minutes. Interior scene. 
A popular professional sketch. The miser and his servant's 
efforts to deceive one another and their guests are uproariously 
funny. Here is great opportunity for fine business and full 
directions are given by the author in every book of the play. 

Too Little Vagrants; or, Beware of Tramps. 

Farce in one act by Frank Dumont. Three male, one female 
characters. Plays twenty minutes. One exterior scene. May 
be produced white or black face. This play introduces two 
of the most comical of tramp characters. The position of one 
of them forced to stand as a scare crow is very funny. There 
is nothing offensive in the bright and rapid dialogue. 

The Undertaker's Daughter. Farce in one act, by 
Frank Dumont. Three male, one female characters. Plays 
twenty-five minutes. Plain chamber scene. This play may 
be given white or black face, and has been successful each 
way on the professional stage. The motive, dialogue and 
action all very original, bring screams of laughter from all 
audiences. Full stage directions accompany the book of the 
play. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

016 215 095 9 4 



PLAYS. 



BEING the largest theatrical booksellers in 
the United States, we keep in stock the most 
complete and best assorted lines of plays and 
entertainment books to be found in this country. 

We can supply any play or book pub- 
lished. We have issued a 120-page catalogue 
of the best 1500 plays and entertainment books 
published in the U. S. and England. It con- 
tains a full description of each play, giving 
number of characters, time of playing, scenery, 
costumes, etc. This catalogue will be sent free 
on application. 

The plays described are suitable for am- 
ateurs and professionals, and nearly all of them 
may be performed free of royalty. Persons in- 
terested in dramatic books should examine our 
catalogue before ordering elsewhere. 

The Dramatic Publishing Company, 

CHICAGO. 



